2011/365/054: A Few Late-Night Thoughts

It’s late, and I just wrapped up my class at Towson. It’s been a long day, as all Wednesdays are when school is in session at Towson U; I had a few thoughts along the way today, though, which I wanted to share with you tonight.

  1. I hate getting older. I really do. I am at the age now where I feel like I blinked and suddenly I’m wondering how in the world I got to be almost 46.
  2. The good thing about this blink-and-WHOA feeling is that I’m not feeling regret. I really make every effort to live a full life, getting the most out of every moment.
  3. Maybe that’s the problem. I love life too much, and I don’t like the idea of this feeling ever ending.
  4. I also can’t stand that some people will always see me in one dimension: Just a father or Just a teacher. As genuine and authentic as I try to live my life, not playing this particular role or that, to some I’ll always be seen in that one dimension.
  5. Maybe, then, this indicates an imbalance in the amount of time I spend with others as “just rus” and not in a particular role. Maybe I need to get out more and just enjoy this life with my friends and peers who will get to know me in that “just rus” way.
  6. I think I love how writing can lead to such breakthroughs.

Wow….Ok. Maybe that’s what I need to do then (it’s not like my friends and peers haven’t been encouraging me all these years to do this).

Have a good night, Faithful Readers. Thanks for letting me air that out tonight. 🙂

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6 thoughts on “2011/365/054: A Few Late-Night Thoughts

  1. I just turned 40 and had more then one person say “wow, you’re getting old” or something similar, I guess the thought didn’t cross my mind and when it did I said to myself, hell at best your only halfway through this journey

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  2. Ok, so this has caused some alarm with a few. But not me. 🙂 I think it’s great! You see, I could view you always as my uncle and only that, since that is who you are and always will be to me. However, you are so much more than that to me. You are my teacher, my quicker picker upper, my confidant, a leader, my sharer of the pistachios and of course my uncle! I see you as a great father and wonderful husband. So, I do see you as so much more. A well rounded person who follows his heart. That is what I love about you! Who cares how old you are, just because you are 5 years older than me, doesn’t mean jack! You are only as old as you feel…and dang it we feel young! (Most days that is! LOL) Just wish we had more days to share together with our families. So just keep being who you are…Rus…I love you just the way you are!

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  3. I can certainly relate to the “getting older feeling”; heck, my bones remind me of my age every day when I wake up and my eyes remind me every time I try to read a menu these days.

    I sort of disagree with you, however, about worrying about how you are perceived as “only a teacher” or “only a dad”, etc. I think most people take it for granted that human beings are multidimensional and we each take on a different personna based on what we are doing. There is too little time and too many people in our lives (and perhaps too little interest on their part) for everyone to completely know all sides of us. Besides, I don’t think it is always wise to let one part of lives “bleed” into another. My colleagues don’t need to know about my passion for …..I don’t know…fill in the blank here….Feng Shui, for example.

    I think you need to realize that you really can’t be all things to all people. You just have to make time for the people and things which are most important to you and which bring you the greatest joy then prioritize your life accordingly.

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  4. Thanks, Kelly, for your thoughts on this latest post. After reading your comments, I see, now, where the miscommunication lies.
    On point 4, I first thought my frustration remained with the fact that I would be viewed as only this one way in the eyes of some. However, in point 5, I started to realize that my problem was not necessarily how I was being viewed by those people, but that I wasn’t being viewed as “just rus” by too many other people in my life.
    In other words, writing led to the discovery that I don’t necessarily want my students or my children to view me in a different light; it’s just that I need to increase the opportunities to be with my friends and peers who see me neither as a teacher nor as a parent.
    I had to write through that to realize that I didn’t want to change how people perceive me; I just wanted to change the amount of time I spend with my friends and peers (the all-important epiphany in point 5).
    I hope that clarifies a bit…Yes?

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